Change

We all have our favorite color, favorite song or even our favorite food. We stay pretty comfortable living our life's fairly simple. I can say that i have been afraid of change in my life, but the pure and simple truth is, i am changing everyday weather i know it or not. I am getting older and little more grey and when you have lived your whole life a certain way, well then that makes the possibility of change a harder decision to make. My wife asked me the other day if i thought she was pretty, my first thought was that i must have made her feel that she wasn't. If i could lend her my eyes even for a second and she could see what it is that i see when i look at her, well then i don't think she would ever ask me that question again. I dont think that a day goes by when we are apart that something dosent reminds me of her. I realize now that it's more than just the way i look at her, and although you can speak to someone by the way you look at them, there just isn't anything that can take the place of whispering i love you into someone's ear. Sometimes we all need to hear a voice, stuck in a world that is constantly changing, Its time that i change as well. There are two kind of people in the world, those that sit back and watch the world go round and those that make it spin. If your not willing and open to the possibilities then your running in place. I have the most wonderful children, and grandson now and for the first time in my life change is a peaceful and wonderful feeling. So sign me up, I will do my best to keep up with you all, and lynette your not only pretty honey your more than just a sight to me, your the love that holds it all together. you make me smile even when you cant see it, you make me laugh even when you cant hear it, you make me love you and i will spend the rest of my life making sure you feel it.

A Wish and A Promise...

Like the spokes on his bicycle, Carson’s days go round and round, pedaling his way home from school, the days turn into nights, but his nights all have one thing in common. Like most boys he is a dreamer and every night he would open his bedroom window of the second story home where he lived and climb out onto his roof where he became almost anything he cared to be. He would look up at the moon and being the super hero he was, he would try to figure out how he was going to save all the lonely people on the moon. Would he use the stars or the clouds to reach them? Only time would tell. As time went by so did Carson. He had become more interested in the stars and there on that very roof they became his friends. He could just lay there and talk to them about anything. He was getting older and his thoughts were getting more complicated. There were questions without answers and like most of us, he wanted answers. On that night the sky was empty - not a friend anywhere.

That night when he fell asleep he had a dream. It was empty as the sky, just a voice that told him that the very next night the sky would have five stars and for a period of five days they would begin to disappear one by one. On the fifth night only one star would remain. It was on this night that he was to make a wish, and if he was true to his heart, without being selfish, his wish would come true. For four days Carson climbed out onto his rooftop and watched the stars disappear. On the fifth night - just as his dream and the voice told him - only one star remained. Closing his eyes he made his wish. He would have to wait until the next night to see if this wish would come true. The following day was long - there was great anticipation. When the bell rang, he was the first to reach his bike. Carson pedaled his way home. After dinner, he helped his mother clean up the dishes and made his way upstairs to his room. He stood at his window - a little afraid to open it - and climb onto the roof. What if his wish didn’t come true? I guess there would only be one way to find out. He opened his window, and with his eyes closed felt his way out onto the roof. Laying there on his back he finally opened his eyes. Carson took a gasp and the biggest smile came to his little face. That night he laid there longer than most. In fact, his mother had to call him in to go to bed.

As the spokes go round and round, Carson traded his bike for his first car, graduated high school and was off to college. It was there that he met the first girl that he ever looked at as something more than just a friend. As the two spent more and more time together the relationship grew stronger. She was a wonderful girl with a beautiful smile that shared the same interest as he did. The conversations would go on for hours. He was doing well in college and was finishing up with his last semester when he ask her over for dinner. Carson cooked the most wonderful meal and as she sat staring at him she noticed he was acting a little nervous. She excused herself to go to the ladies room and when she returned he was nowhere to be found. She searched downstairs and then decided to go upstairs where she found an open window of his study. She climbed onto the roof and joined him there. Laying side by side they both had a wonderful conversation about the time when they first met and every second since.

Carson then sat up pulling her with him so that he could be face to face for the only answer to the question he had been wanting to ask for some time now. He took her hand and placed the most beautiful ring in it . Closing her hand tight around the band of gold he asked if she would like to spend the rest of her life with him. As she opened her hand she began to cry. It was the perfect proposal and the perfect place she explained. She began telling him a story of how when she was a little girl her mother and father took her to see the most wonderful play, a love story, one that was full of happiness. Leaving the theater that night she had noticed the sky full of stars. There must of been a million! She explained how she had closed her eyes and wished for a life like that and if the star that she wished on would save a prince for her then she promised to always to be happy. She and Carson were married and it was a wedding to remember, not traditional as in most. All I will say is they had the most unique wedding cake, a star that simply read, “a wish and a promise”.

My grandson was born May 14, at 10:58 in the morning, and as I held him for the first time, all i could think about is what i could give him that would last forever, something that he wouldn’t out grow or get bored with. That evening i walked outside looked up into the sky and picked a star. I wished him all the love and happiness that my life has been filled with and that I would be here to share it with him. I love my grandson and although his life or the way his lives it may be different then what i have written here, I know it will be blessed with love.

Grand paw.

My only love

Only love can break your heart and only love can mend it, but when it’s broken and both mended by the love of your life, then its stronger than ever before. love is such a miracle, I always said anything or anyone worth loving is worth fighting for. I have a lot to fight for in my life. I am surrounded by the greatest people who love me and make me as whole as a person can be. Yes i have been broken before only to be put back together with the most loving hands anyone could hope to have on them. In this time of my life I am as peaceful as the sun setting in the evening sky. and the beautiful colors that cover the sky are gently resting on the shoulders of the big oak trees that line the road that i am walking right now. hand in hand i will walk anywhere with her and although god allows me to see so far, I know this beautiful road is never ending.

I love you Lynetta Lynn

The Things We Leave Behind

Does anybody know what time it is, does anyone really care, its funny how time changes its meaning the older you get? Ask anyone who has lost a loved one this question, if you could spend a few moments with that loved one what would it be worth to you. I’m willing to bet my soul that most would pay all most any price to buy back time, yet while we are living we really never pay anything for it not even the attention it deserves and until you loose something or someone close to you, you’re never really awakened by it.

I lost my brother on March 15, 2006 and it reminded me of the things we leave behind. For me personally it was the suit of amour he always wore. i always felt he was protecting me, not in the usual brother who kicks someone's butt for you kind of way but more so with his life experiences and his way of making you understand that life is a battle gear up for it. Anyone who loved him, like I could see through the amour and see the man he really was inside. He was talented beyond belief in many ways. In remembering my brother,I'm reminded by the ones he loved the most, his wonderful wife Kay and his beautiful daughter Chrissy. To both of you I am blessed to have you in my life, And today time is bought back for all of us who loved him and his wondrous stories, his charm and his love is for us to share. Chrissy I cant love you the way only your dad could honey but i love you with all my heart. You have much more of your dad in you than you know. When i look at you and your babies iam reminded of what a miracle your dads life was. His hand is still on you making sure that your breathing and that your smiling everyday. I will leave you with what your father left for me, and what i can give to you.

If you ever loose sight, i will paint the world for you, if you loose your arms i will hold you forever, If you loose your legs i will carry you wherever you wanna go, If you go deaf I will sing to you anyway, and if you loose your mind, I will gladly go crazy with you. Don't ever loose your heart honey, its the power that plays the projector of the wonderful memories that you have of him, But Chrissy, If you do loose heart than you can have mine honey because mine would never beat without yours. Today put on an old record, one that he would love, smile and dance it's what he left behind for only you. And if my heart knew anything about your dad it knows this, Its the one thing he had in his mind when he left this world. I love you.

Uncle Mark

The Greatest Fans On Earth

Someone asked me the other day what I wanted to be when I grow up…….

When I was 10 years old my life was consumed with a game called baseball, there was nothing more I wanted to do than play ball. It started with a simple walk home from school one day. I walked home everyday and when spring came that year so did the fresh cut grass and a smell I can remember to this day. I use to sit in the bleachers and watch the guys throw the ball around, and try to get up the courage to ask my parents to play. The only scary part of asking them was that I knew what the answer would be and I knew I wouldn't like it. We were less fortunate than some other family's and I knew my parents wouldn't be able to afford the uniform, glove and shoes it took to play the sport.
After about a week I finally did ask my parents if I could play, it was at the dinner table where we usually talked about events of the day. My mother the one that usually made all decisions in our family looked at me and said son, there is nothing I would love more than to watch you play ball but we just can't afford it. I remember looking at my father as I was pleading my sales pitch; he had an expression I remember to this day. It was one of frustration, I knew he wanted me to play and know he felt bad that I couldn't so I left it alone. About a week went by since I had asked them to play when my mother found a way to get me into the game. She borrowed some shoes and a glove from a friend who had a son that played and had extras. They somehow came up with the money to pay the fee and I was in.

That year was one of the greatest of my life, I made the all stars and played every game. The following year I had spotted a glove in a store where my mother and me were and I begged her if I could have it. The one that I had borrowed was bigger than my hand and the webbing was worn and loose. She told me that I would have to make due with what I had. I occasionally would ask from time to time for that glove but was always greeted with the same reply. When the season began I was as happy as any kid on earth I guess, I was playing the greatest game on earth and I was good at it. Again that year I made it to the all stars. We had made it into the finals and I had hit a home run to put our team up with one inning to go. We had two outs and were up by one. We just needed one out do something no other team in our area had every done, make to the regionals. They had two guys on base when the batter hit a hard fly ball that I picked up off the bat and had a good jump on. I stretched out and made the catch and as I was falling to the ground the webbing of the glove broke and the ball fell out of my glove. All I could think of as I lay there on the field crying was that If my parents would have just bought me a glove that fit me than I would have made the catch. I laid there until almost everyone had left, that's when my father walked out and stood there with me. He never said a word and we looked at each other, words were exchanged but never spoken. The look on both of our faces was enough said.

I lost interest in the game after that in fact I didn't pick up a glove at all. My mother and father were constantly asking my brothers to try and get me to play ball with them in the yard but I really didn't want to. The fresh green grass gave way to the brown sod of winter and Christmas was soon on us. My parent had already told us that the Christmas was going to be tuff and so should we. None of my brothers or sisters asked for anything and we were gearing up for a nice Christmas dinner together and enjoy each other company. That Christmas morning was the only year I can remember my father having to call me down to the Christmas tree. I was usually the first one there to see what was going to be there. Much to my surprise there were some things there and it was nice. I was helping my brothers and sisters clean up the mess we had all made when I kept hearing this popping noise coming from the other room. Everyone seemed to know what it was but me, and by the look on his or her faces they did. As I stood up to walk in the direction of the sound my father came around the corner. He had a ball in one hand and the in the other was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. It was the glove that I had asked for, it was the perfect color, it had the perfect smell and as he stood there throwing the ball into the glove it had the perfect sound. I know what that glove cost and I know that everyone of my brothers and sisters did without that year so that I would play what I was born to play. Me and my dad played catch in the front yard that year under a grey sky, there was no green grass, no bleachers or bases to run. Just me and the babe playing catch together while the greatest fans on earth watched from the window of the second floor of our home.
So you asked what I want to be when I grow up….. I want to be that guy that I played catch with in the front yard, I want to be the people that gave up everything for me and watched from the window so that I could live my dream. I want to be my mother who always found a way to make me smile. If I can just be that than I know I can do anything in this life with a smile on my face and love in my heart.

Remembering the boy and becoming a grandfather

I got a glimpse in the mirror today and although i am older today than yesteryear i got a look at the boy i use to be. a time when my parents were alive and what their love really ment to me. I hope and pray that my kids feel that way about me. They are my everything, my best friends. What i have learned from them is everything. I started out like all fathers with no experience at all, flying by the seat of my pants. The restless nights, the worrying when they were sick, watching them sleep at night and wondering why they stopped breathing for a second. They always seemed to be teaching me to do the right thing even when it was wrong, they alway looked at me as if i knew what i was doing even when i had no clue. My kids are older now and lead their own lives, the days of watching every-move they make are over. I'm sad, not because i don't have that control anymore but more so that i feel like I'm gonna miss something important in their lives. My daughter Charlotte is having a baby, It wasn't long ago i had to let go and give her to the next man in her life, he is now the one that watches over her, the one that she shares things with that are important and as a father that might be the hardest thing to let go of. My daughter is a beautiful person inside and out, she has a way of making any day better. When she met Adam i guess i had every reason not to like the kid, I mean who was this guy that wanted to come in between me and my daughter and demanding all this attention that i use to get. The thing is i couldn't find one thing about him i didn't like and as much as i wanted him to go away, all i can say is I'm glad he stayed. I love this guy like my son he is a wonderful caring person and Charlotte is a lucky girl to have found him. To Adam and Charlotte thanks for reminding me of the boy i use to be and the grandfather i soon will be. My heart is full of excitement and love for the both of you. May God bless you both with what i have experienced being your father Charlotte. your the love of my life.

My Thoughts These Days

Today was a warm and rainy day the sunlight had just about surrendered to what was going to be a perfect evening just outside my window I could see the moon glow over a freshen breeze and once again summer time is upon us. A good time to look at ones heart and examine the contents inside. My heart is beginning a new its time to dust off the cobwebs and repair the unilateral cracks that make up my heart so many memories, so many good times and I guess one big break that had stopped my heart after my wife had ended our marriage. Life is getting back to normal though, I have been breaking out of the season of unhappiness and slipping into what is to be the second part of a lifelong series of understanding what makes a woman happy. A woman is so different than a man, its hard to comprehend this when you have fallen into the same routine day after day, but one quickly remembers this all to well when your left alone with your thoughts. My thoughts are bringing me to a better understanding of a woman’s heart and how she loves, something I want to feel again and something I want to return in a much different manner this time.

What is it about love that sends us searching, sending us to the top and back to the bottom again? Like the air we breath its everywhere, I watch it everyday in all forms good and bad, when its good its really good and even when its bad its still good. Do we really choose whom we love or are they chosen for us? Isn’t all love for good, I really don’t think God cares who or what we love, just that we do. The object of my affection these days is just a thought of a sweet woman with a sense of humor a lot like mine; she is always on my mind. There are times I can’t take my eyes off of her and then times when she’s not with me she is as present as if she were. She would become the sunlight on my pillow that wakes me up in the morning and the last thought I have before I close my eyes. I can see her becoming every wish I care to make. She is my masterpiece and although not created by my hand I really feel she was created for me, leaving me with this thought, I can’t wait to see her again.